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The Gospel According to Michael

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Who is Michael?
God. That's all you need to know.


History of Ardenism

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Michael who faced many hardships as a child including temptation to throw himself down a well and extreme paleness. As a young man, Michael fell in love with fellow actor John Hill, and they were cute and adorable and had lots of great sex (much of it happening in the stairwell of the American Theatre of Actors) and fed eachother sushi. Then one day, That Stupid Whore (who we shall call TSW from now on for convience) kidnapped John and took him away from Michael. Michael is still heartbroken and can't even look at sushi anymore. John is currently being held captive by TSW in Virgina, where he is deprived of sushi. One day she even went so far as to hold him at gunpoint, and forced him to kiss her. Over the years, Michael has written to John numerous times, but TSW reads all his mail and throws out any letters from Michael. Poor Michael is left alone, thinking that John has abandoned him.

The Prophecy

One day, Michael and John will get cast in the same show and will reunite and resume their life of hot sex and sushi.

The Commandments

1. Thou shalt not mention That One Thing God Cannot Do.

2. That Stupid Whore shall never be worthy of praise.

3. The holy union of God and Judas is eternally sacred.

4. Thou shalt not slash God with one other than Judas.

5. God shalt not be cast in the role of a straight man.

6. Thou shalt not harrass God on That Website That Shall Not be Named.

7. Thy God is so awesome, he was resurrected before he died.

8. Thou shalt not compare God to John Torres, nor Judas to John Griffin.

9. Thou shalt never speak of God in unison with anything on "the list".

10. Thou shalt not speak of life without God.

The List

-Kristin Chenoweth
-Idina Menzel
-Jonathan Groff
-Spring Awakening
-John Gallagher JR

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